Why does the couple feel less and less as they go too far?

there is a seesaw law in psychology, which says

the relationship between people is like two people sitting on a seesaw;

long-term maintenance, need to cooperate with each other in order to maintain the "dynamic balance".

the same is true of marriage. In a real marriage, there are too many human considerations and trivialities of life.

some marriages focus on beauty, while others turn into quarrels and feathers, and they feel less and less.

this kind of marriage, perhaps not because of the lack of love, but because of too much injustice.

tired for a long time, pragmatism smoothed out romance

my best friend Xiaoqiu and her husband were college classmates. They entered the marriage hall after a long-distance love run. They were once praised as "a match made in heaven".

but recently she cried to me that their marriage is like a backwater.

after a detailed chat, we know that under their seemingly perfect marriage, there is actually a torrent.

before marriage, Xiaoqiu's husband remembers her birthday and all anniversaries, each time will be carefully prepared, full of romance, so that happiness fills her heart;

after her marriage, Xiaoqiu's husband became more and more perfunctory, no longer preparing small surprises for her, and even forgot her birthday several times.

in the face of her frustration, Xiaoqiu's husband said the most is: "all the old husband and wife, what are you doing with those dumb heads?"

in his mind, working hard and supporting his family pragmatically is the best love for Xiaoqiu and his family.

for the money to buy flowers, you might as well sign up for more special classes for your children.

Red wine and western food is not as good as supermarket shopping in the off-season.

Family travel, where there is a walk in the community is practical.

during the holidays, Xiaoqiu looked sour at other people drying flowers and gifts, but he got nothing and his heart turned to dust.

do you have this feeling in your marriage:

after three years of marriage, the sweet heat of love has long passed, and there is no attractive holding hands, hugs and kisses.

after five years of marriage, 520 and Valentine's Day are all invisible, and expectations turn into disappointments over and over again.

married for ten years, even forgot each other's birthdays and wedding anniversaries, husband and wife during the day, like neighbors at night.

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if marriage is the grave of love, then being too pragmatic is the executioner of marriage, wiping out all romance and interest, so that the other half no longer have surprises and expectations.

as Haruki Murakami said, "Life without luck is just a dry desert."

the more piecemeal your life is, the more you have to put a little effort into what your partner likes.

it doesn't have to cost much, as long as you can make the other person feel the heart is enough.

Romance is like the antistaling agent of marriage, adding luck to the tired life, often evoking the initial love and treasure.

lack of emotion, indifference depletes enthusiasm

some psychologists believe that everyone's emotional world is like a bank, with an "emotional account" in mind.

if you are nice to the other person, you are saving money in your "emotional account"; if you owe him something, you are withdrawing money from his "emotional account" or even an overdraft.

recently I saw a group of pictures in the headlines-- "daily communication between husband and wife without a trace of emotion".

the stylized conversation every day is the current situation of how many couples, no temperature of the conversation, every minute to keep the partner away.

in the TV series "wife's Choice", Qi Miao, as an emotional expert, is supposed to be able to manage marriage like a fish in water.

but the fact is that she and her husband Dakang are on the verge of divorce.

one day, Qi Miao was busy until late at night when he dragged his tired body home and saw Dakang sitting alone on the sofa, watching the game without expression.

he looked back at his wife, hesitated, dropped "go to bed first" coldly, and went back to his bedroom.

with a bang, the door closed, leaving only the couple facing the darkness like a disillusioned relationship.

Qi Miao is a typical strong woman who starts a company, appears on TV, goes out early and returns late, turns a blind eye to Dakang, doesn't bother to communicate with him, and can't say a few words all the year round.

she is teaching others how to maintain a marriage every day, but she doesn't know that her emotional account has already been seriously overdrawn.

Da Kang bluntly pointed out that Qi Miao regarded him as a roommate and could not even see each other at ordinary times, so he decided to end this suffocating "widowed" marriage.

as commented by netizens on the bullet screen: "it turns out that the breakdown of a marriage is not because of domestic violence or infidelity, but just the indifference and contempt of the other half is enough to kill a relationship."

once you turn a blind eye to your partner, no matter how much love will wear away.

it takes many years to warm a heart, but only a moment to cool a heart.

Don't be stingy with your enthusiasm, don't forget to knock on the door of your heart that you haven't seen for a long time with warm concern.

only by being kind to each other can we hold hands to the sunset, watch the maple leaves fall and enjoy the snow in winter.

with different frequencies, the gap builds a gap

Song Yunhui and Cheng Kaiyan, an immortal couple in the TV series "Great Rivers 2", ended in divorce, but the audience did not feel sorry, but applauded.

in theory, there is no economic crisis and no contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Why did the couple who were originally in love end up in such a field?

actuallyA lot of things have long been laid the groundwork, and the final separation is inevitable.

Song Yunhui, played by Wang Kai, was born in an ordinary family. In order to change his fate, he studied hard and climbed the heights of his life step by step.

from a young clerk to a deputy factory director, he never stopped growing, constantly enriching his knowledge and broadening his pattern.

while Cheng Kaiyan has been well-off since she was a child, she has long been used to the days of ease and idleness.

after Song Yunhui became deputy factory director, Cheng Kaiyan was specially transferred to the local post in order that the couple could go hand in hand.

whether Song Yunhui reminded Cheng Kaiyan to learn Japanese or take the accounting certificate, she was perfunctory.

her mind is not on self-improvement at all, but on building a good relationship with her colleagues and stagnating in her career.

she did not understand Song Yunhui's dedication to his career, and Song Yunhui was disdainful of her stupidity.

the gap between the two is getting wider and wider, the psychological distance is getting farther and farther, and finally they can only go their separate ways.

I have heard such a saying: "all relationships in marriage fade because of different frequencies."

it's like a radio, you can never listen to each other if the channel is misplaced.

all living beings are like ants, floating and sinking in the sea of fate, and everyone is eager to travel light.

once the peers are poles apart and constantly consumed, the relationship will fall apart sooner or later.

instead of going their own way and going in the opposite direction, it is better to walk side by side and achieve each other.

because only those who are at the same pace have a way to go, and there are years to look back.

Marriage as fresh as ever, but youdao

Qian Zhongshu said: "No matter who you marry, after marriage, you always find that you are not married to the original person, you have changed to another person."

if you don't change yourself in marriage school, no matter how many partners you have, you will make the same mistake again.

Marriage, which is as fresh as ever, is just a trade-off, a constant run-in between husband and wife in seeking common ground while reserving differences.

1) pay attention to the sense of breathing, but depress the days

emotion is a kind of energy flow. A good marriage can breathe freely.

as mentioned in the five languages of Love:

you can create elaborate moments, prepare gifts with your heart, and express your concern for your partner with the help of physical contact, words of praise, etc., all of which are storing value for emotion.

2) pay attention to the sense of private domain, but alienate days

whenever, husband and wife should have a sense of private domain, give the fullest love to each other, and create a private space for two people.

set a fixed time, say what you want to say, let the other person understand your feelings and your needs, so that you can untie each other's hearts and heal each other.

3) pay attention to freshness, but tired days

I have heard a saying: "the greatest enemy in marriage is not others, but the immutable self."

change a hairstyle, learn some new specialties, master some new skills. You who are constantly updated will always maintain your charm and inject a steady stream of living water into the boring marriage.

some people say:

"the truth of marriage is that don't expect your man to be a hero in colorful auspicious clouds, and heroes have their moments of downfall.

Men and women have their own difficulties in marriage. Relying on the efforts of one person, they cannot support the marriage of two people.

No couple are born with each other and are in perfect harmony, but some just keep running in with each other over the years.

I wish you, with a tacit attitude, a positive attitude and a growing way, to grow old with your lover.